Excursions

I just got the 168-page brochure that describes excursions available on my world cruise next year. It is intimidating. I can about wrap my head around riding a really big boat around the world. That makes sense. But this brochure reminds me that, well, we'll actually being Going To Places. And that there are a lot of things to do in each of those places.

168 pages. And very few pictures, mostly just text, and not particularly large print either.

Sometimes the excursions are about what you would expect -- going out for an evening at a Tango Show in Buenos Aires, for instance, will cost me $79 including transportation,  not unreasonable. If I knew how to ride a horse, I could spend $339 for a private polo lesson. And for $39 I could spend half a day "In Evita's Footsteps".

But then there's the six-day tour of China that departs from a port in Indonesia and catches up with the ship again in Hong Kong. It includes the Great Wall, the army of terra cotta men, The Forbidden City in Beijing, the Wild Goose Pagoda, built in 652, and a cruise down the Li River -- "—limestone spires rising above a smooth river at one of China’s most aesthetic destinations. The river is like a green silk belt, and the hills are like turquoise jade hairpins." Cost? A mere $5000, if I can find someone to double up with, which, as it turns out, I can, because I've been in correspondence with a woman in Florida who is also taking the cruise and wants to do that excursion.

Of course, I could just stay on the boat and watch the world arrive one port at a time and depart one port at a time. But how you gonna keep me down on the boat after I've seen this honkin' big excursion brochure? And can I really end up spending as much on excursions as I'm spending on the cruise?

Dang!

old Michael Caine movie

It occurs to me that these posts now, anticipating where I will be in a year on the cruise, are kind of like an old Michael Caine movie, whose title I can't remember. It's a caper movie that starts out with Michael Caine's character explaining his plot to his accomplice. Shirley McClaine is to be recruited to be part of it, and as MC talks, we see the plot playing out just as he wants, with Shirley McClaine's character sitting silent and mysterious, which is just what his plot requires. Then we see how the plot actually plays out, with SMcC being lively and intelligent and unpredictable. Of course, in the end, that's just what's required, they pull off the heist, MC's character falls in love with SMcC's character, and they all live h.e.a. It's an American movie, of course they live h.e.a.

The reason I cite this movie is because I'm beginning to suspect these fantasies of what it will be like will turn out to have nothing whatsoever to do with the actual experience of being on the cruise. Now, it's me sitting at my computer daydreaming (with the help of Wikipedia) about places I have no real idea about. Then, it will be me on this enormous boat with 1000 other people actually being there. Actually being there, 3-D, air as hot or cold or humid or dry or ocean-smelling or hurricane-ridden as it really is, people, both on the ship and at the ports, being as unexpected and fascinating as people actually are, Sun beating down with tropical furor or enveloped in icy clouds or hidden in storm clouds. And no living h.e.a. because there is no e.a., just now, and now, and now.

Dang. Just can't find any substitutes for reality, can we?

Does anyone remember the name of that movie?